I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t think I’m strong enough to go back to it. Fuck! I guess it’s a sign my make or break moment to see of I can truly follow my crushed dreams…
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. Just my FUCKING luck! FUCK me! FUCK My life! just FUCK everything! I’m soo FUCKEN DONE!… FUCK!
I’ve always wondered what my dark side looked like…. Now that I know, I never want to go back to it.
I guess dreams Weren’t meant to come true for everyone……. I have no grasp of my life right now and that scares me.. I don’t think I’m strong enough this time.
Hoping for the best…. Expecting the worse……. My life is in the shit hole and I am now feeling like I should just settle for less.
i honestly dont know what to do any more. my life is spining out of control. it seems like whenever something good happens to me i manage to fuck it up…… why do i coninue to live like this… why must i feel……. why am i here…… where do i belong…….is it really worth it/
I have been debating about writing this journal and finally I was just like why not. Anyways mainly I have just been thinking of my past and how it got me here and if I am making the right choices and a whole bunch of stuff like that and I literally have no one to talk to other than my best friend but se is in college and is busy 24/7 which is understandable. So all in all the reason for this journal is to let my feelings out currently then I’ll move on to other things. :) I think this is where I get started haha not so good at theses.
Let’s get started at the beginning shall we, well not all the way at the beginning :D. My thoughts brought me back all the way to the end of 8th grade.
There I was walking down the stage outside with the sun beating down my head. -_- my thoughts then ” when is this over, I wanna go home and watch my new show”. And that was that the while summer I was at home doing nothing,Back then I didn’t know who I was. My parents were very protective and tried to shelter me as much as they can. And me like a good puppy obeyed, part of that also included the way I looked. We were shopping for school and my mother was choosing my cloths >.
I am feeling as if I don’t know who I am anymore. I am not sure what to do. It feels like no matter what direction I take I end up back to square one.